As I sit here in the peacefulness of my comfort zone, I feel blessed
to be able to have a support system now that I can build trust upon. I
will be honest, this letter has not come easily to write, matter of
fact, this is my fifth attempt to coherently put into words the
frustration, anger, and disillusionment that I feel on a daily basis,
but yet, somehow, I still feel the hope trying to squeeze into each
little gap that isn’t covered by the negative. Like filling a bottle
with rocks, yet there’s still room for the sand to fit and fill the
Read about this analogy here.
I go through each emotion weekly, sometimes daily and sometimes, it’s just one minute at a time. I’m sure many of you experience that as well. I am baffled sometimes by the foreigners here and the actions and steps they take to hurt others. I’ve gotten used to not trusting many Chinese, but lately, I have found peace in a small group of Chinese who are steadfast and more honest than many of the foreigners I used to have contact with. It’s baffling how there can be so many foreigners here, but yet, there’s no foreign community, no family, no loyalty and little to no support. There are, however; many cliques. After a while, those are tiresome…..a little of high school repeat.
Didn’t we already do this?
I came to China with one vision and that vision turned upside down in a hurry. I could have done what many others do “the midnight flight”, but I didn’t. I’ve learned how to do things on my own for many years and this was no different, if no one could help me, I could help myself and eventually I did, but yet support of any kind was still missing.
There are far more people here who lurk, gossip and care more about being followed than there are those who are genuinely kind and helpful. Problem is deciding who is hurtful and who is helpful. It takes time. It takes intuition and it takes a bit of courage to weed out the bad from the good. It’s rather like chasing the rainbow trying to find the unicorn. If you are a kindhearted person, sometimes you might feel guilty about not helping or leaving one group to seek out others that are more suitable, but, in reality, those who make you feel guilty, aren’t helping and are most likely a negative presence hindering your growth.
I know a little about a lot of things and a lot about a little, I know some about most things and nothing about somethings. I’m always learning, but one thing I do know about is abusive people and abusive situations. I know and can feel when they are in my presence, sometimes, it takes me awhile to accept that because who wants to always see bad when you’d rather see good.
Sometimes, things feel good for awhile, but still, that instinct is there nagging you. Most times you should listen to it or test it.
I, myself, am a tester. If I can get a beat on someone or something right off the bat, I give it a while, but the signs add up. Everyone deserves second, third and sometimes fourth chances, but sometimes you gotta take the breast away and give them the cup (my mom used much more colorful language) and see what happens. You can talk to them in person, but maybe they never have time to meet up, you can text them and see how that goes and if it doesn’t go their way or your way, you can block them or they can block you. What’s the worse that happens? You find out the truth and you can now move to find other like-minded people who fit into a positive space.
One person can only take you so far on your journey until another comes along to take you a little farther.
Here are some support people that I have found do not use or abuse and try to help. Always remember to support and give and take are two-way streets. If someone isn’t willing to pay it forward or to help when you need it, they probably are an abuser of the support system. The road is the same distance both ways.
Cindy F.S. Pros.
has Qingdao Expat group on wechat. She has always been nice and
friendly and very helpful. I try to always return the favor when she
needs something because that is how support works. I know there are a
lot of people who benefit from Cindy’s group. When was the last time you
gave a thought of support for her?
Boky is not new to China, but he is new to bar street in Qingdao. He offers a much needed supportive place for me and others looking for a friendly place to hang out and talk and play games. No drama and no stress. Leave that at the door. He endures abusive people and behaviors from others, but yet he’s been nothing but supportive to me and those I’ve met. Come to Boky’s for a friendly atmosphere.
Liang Jin Charity
This little boy in Shenzhen was burnt by his father. 80% of his body, I believe. Veronica (a foreign teacher in my group) is helping him with English lessons. The Liang jin charity wechat group is made up of businesses and other foreign teachers helping to support and raise money for this little boy, who is a stranger to them…imagine that….helping out a stranger without any monetary value attached for you.
Click here to donate on the offical charity platform.
Qingdao Expat Charity
and the charity group help to fund education for kids in need. They
hold charity events and other gatherings for the children.
Jose @ http://www.myglobehr.com/
Jose has been nothing but supportive to me and many others. He has a multitude of networks that can help from Visa to job placement. He’s been known to just give free advice no matter if you want to pay him or not. He’s a people person, not a money grabber. He’s trustworthy and does his best to lead you in an honest direction.
I know I’ve forgotten many who have been supporting factors in my life recently. It took me a year and a half to find decent supportive people, so never fear, you will find them.
This is much longer than I intended; however, I think it’s long past needed. One last word of advice. When you cut ties with people, be prepared for the rumors to fly about you in all sorts of negative ways. Don’t sweat it. It’s almost a 100% chance that the source is from the very people who avoided you and wouldn’t fix the problem in the first place. They will never change, they will always hide and they will never be upfront about anything especially if it’s a face to face discussion about anything important. Move on, find others who are positive and supportive and find a comfort zone like I did.
allow work into my zone and I don’t allow negative people to corrupt
what I have found. It is called “home” for a reason. I have various
places to do work at, I don’t need to do it in my safety zone.
Have a good day, be kind, share what you can, but be aware, there will always be takers and thieves………Christy
Other Articles by Teacher Christy:
Who is Christy?
I’m just a simple country girl who wanted to make a difference in children’s lives by becoming the best teacher/model I could. I want to promote teachers to be more than just a person in a room. I want to help them to love and guide all children to become the best person they can be. I truly believe all children deserve a chance, but those who are less likely to achieve greatness, need the most, loving, kindest teacher they can possibly have because they probably do not get this from anywhere else. We have the ability to shape and guide these children and lead on to greatness and life they deserve.
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